You know…I think I’ve figured out what’s keeping me from sitting down and writing here every day. It’s that it’s this whole pen name. It’s the separation from my “real” life. Funny thing though, this IS the real part. The regular me? Not so much.
I’m a teacher and I happen to have some internet savvy kiddos. Even those who have moved out of the so called innocence of grade school and into middle or high school have no business knowing what’s going on in the most intimate parts of my mind. For those kids, I feel a sense protectiveness. For those kids I guard my name.
I’ve always been that girl who says too much. Who makes the first admission at happy hour. For some reason, I am having a hard time connecting to the idea of being some person behind a pen name. So let me let you in on a little info here to clear the air. My pen name is my name. It’s my nick name, my kid name. The one that I hold closest to my heart. The one that my mom and dad used with me and those who know me the closest call me by. Krissy Jana. I just don’t want to continue this identity as a fake person. Truly, I am the most close to my real self here.
Yes, I am avoiding some unwanted judgement. Yes, I am avoiding any unnecessary negative attention professionally…until I make enough to move on from the classroom (wink wink). Yes, I may be a wimp for now. But that’s kind of me too! I’m three fourths the way there, out of the preverbal closet. Ready to make mom and dad blush, but not quite ready to talk about it afterwards at the kitchen table.
Suddenly, I feel a slight amount of empathy for actresses like Dakota Johnson. I mean, pay me millions and I will gladly shed my insecurities, but I kind of get why she may put her foot down and not want her parents to watch her trilogy on the big screen.
So, hello and welcome. My name is Krissy. Krissy Jana. I love everything I shouldn’t. I’m going to write about it. I hope you love some of it. Either way, it’s me. Someday soon, I hope to connect my real life world with my everyday mom and teacher life. Until then, be glad. You get the good stuff!
That. Felt. Great.