You know what you can’t find anywhere? Intimacy advice for people with physical disabilities and their partners.
I am not looking for anything crazy here! I just need a little help from someone out there. I have a husband with physical weakness from Myotonic Dystrophy. He’s still walking. He can still “get it up” for lack of better word. He’s still a “fully functioning” man. I don’t want to paint an inaccurate picture of our story, that won’t help anyone out there. The challenges we face are actually pretty common with a little extra care or advice needed. I’ve looked everywhere, asked the experts, researched YouTube, the internet, read and watched some weird shit, even reached out to our OT and Physical Therapists during our clinic times. The fact is that some of our issues are similar to the general public ie: The “non-affected” as we call those of us without this disease. It’s occurred to me that researching and sharing my findings of what can improve the intimate life of couples living with physical disabilities will help other people as well. Overweight, back problems, pain management patients and others who need a helping hand (no pun intended). I have a couple tips that could change the game for any couple and there’s no way I’m keeping the secrets to myself.
Like any couple married almost 25 years, we are both changing, but he is obviously slipping downhill at an accelerated rate quickly. He can walk, talk, lift, do things around the house, but there are some general deficiencies that are fairly typical with this disease. Extreme exhaustion. Patients with Myotonic Dystrophy can sleep anywhere, anytime. They also can suffer from insomnia causing late nights of computer time, thereby causing them to sleep the next day, all day. It really does kind of suck. Being on different schedules has been a problem that has been known to mess up our sex life, it can screw up any couples sex life. So can obsessive gaming or computer time and what goes on during that computer time when I am asleep…especially if you would like him to save that “energy” for you. Weather your partner is less mobile than mine, you are the disabled one, you are in a chair full time at this point, I think you will find some of my tips beneficial. I’ll post a series of tips. Make it a little easier and subscribe below to receive each tip.
Give a tip a try and comment to let me know what you find out yourself. Share your situation and what specifically worked or didn’t work for you. Maybe you can help the next couple!
Most of all, enjoy! Let’s start a trend of filling in the missing gap of information. Everyone needs a little nookie, let’s make it sex accessible shall we?
Time The Touch
Easiest Tip Ever and totally Free. According to this adorable Sex Therapist who held an intimacy class for ladies at a local medical center, Timing is Everything.
She challenged us to go home and try our new goal of 20/20/20.
The first 20 stands for Twenty Minutes of Non-Genital Touch. At least 20 minutes of the time leading up to penetration (aka foreplay) should be spent touching each-others bodies. Now this was mentioned from the perspective of men touching women, but think about it ladies, what does your man like? Men, feel free to comment. Keep it clean lol :). A squeeze on the bicep? A finger along the line of your pants men? Or panties ladies? Personally, we have found I am a sucker for a feather light stroke down the outside of the arm. Seriously? My arm! You can pull that off in the line at the grocery store! Walk up behind me and lightly brush my arm a couple times? It’s on. It takes my husband close to zero calories to pull off that little stunt and he has me ready to jump into the car and…well you get the idea. Carry on for another few minutes in the car, make it through putting groceries away and Tip #2 (keep your eyes out for that one). By the time we make it to the second Twenty, I am jelly in his hands. Are you more physically challenged? How thrilling will it be to get a subtle touch down the side of your body, along the underside of the breast? Are you in a chair? Tell me you wouldn’t love that touch. In fact, I’m guessing there are other areas of your body that you would love a drag of a finger or two with a whisper in the ear. This first Twenty is EVERYTHING while being hardly anything at all.
Alright ladies and gents, we are crossing to the other side and not looking back now. This is nature and I’m just gonna get to it. The Second Twenty. It’s all about the Genitals. NOT about you getting INTO them…this is when the magic happens. Not to say the ladies won’t need a little extra lubrication. Take no offense. This could be from anything. Meds we are on, the air quality in the room, the soap we use. Be prepared! Invest in some great lube. If you are not using latex condoms, why not splurge and go for some silicone based product? I’m not a doctor, therapist or sales person for an adult brand. However I do know that some products do work and DON’T work with other products. Don’t be a dumb ass. Don’t get pregnant because you used the wrong lube. Especially if you have an austosomal dominant genetic disability. This is the type that you spread by getting pregnant. Period. One pregnancy is a 50% flip of the coin that the baby will have the same disease. That’s just a no brainier. That being said, these twenty minutes are when lube can be your friend. For boys and girls. NOT for PENETRATION! WE AREN’T THERE YET! Play. Glide. Be soft. Be indirect. Ladies. Give DIRECTION. Men, show your partners what feels good. Just WAIT for the TWENTY minutes to expire. If you are counting down the minutes, unplug the clock and turn off the phone. Turn off your brain and watch what happens :). I think you will agree we don’t need a fully functional penis to be satisfied. Am I right?
Finally, you’ve made it to the last of the Twenty minutes. Honestly, your partner, if a man, may need a helping hand, you will most likely be well taken care of by now anyhow. Go ahead and repay the favor. Go with the flow. This is the time when all bets are off. You will most likely need some of my tips for these twenty minutes (more or less).
I’ve got lot’s of great advice collected and data to share. Make sure you subscribe below and subscribe to receive the next tip(s) as soon as they come out. Don’t forget to share what your experiences were (within reason-keep it somewhat classy lol). Let us all know if they worked out. Make sure you mention any questions or challenges you may have and I will do my best to reach out for help!
Have fun with your assignment!