It’s been such a trip to hear from some of you and how it’s worked out to follow the 20/20/…rule. Let’s give ourselves a break and be OK with the fact that by the time we are getting to the final 20 in the three twenties, it’s not lasting THAT long. Questions? Just see tip #1. I must say that it has been well noted that getting there has been MUCH more enjoyable! If the actual act isn’t lasting that long, possibly because you have simply RUN out of TIME (insert giggle), or because it’s freaking exhausting to make it to 40 minutes! Either way, good for you for trying!
Tip #2: Get Vocal!
Calm down you crazies! This isn’t THAT type of blog. What I mean, is it’s time to explore what turns you on, gets you going and find a way to let your partner know!
How exactly does someone do this? It’s hard right? It’s just not a natural conversation. Can you imagine the next ride in the car?
Me: “Hey babe, I was reading this new book and the main guy had this way of lifting his girl onto the kitchen counter when unpacking the groceries. They had this amazing make out session while putting away the groceries…there was butter…it was so hot.”
Him: **silence** yeh…I can’t even imagine the response I would have gotten to that one. I mean, who am I to call out the one thing that he couldn’t actually do? Because he has muscular dystrophy and can’t lift me? Um…nope. I wish. While I may struggle with some changes in my husbands body, I can only imagine what he may struggle with as a man who’s wife has gained weight and aged since she was 17 year old dancer.
So, clearly what happens in these books I love to read can’t always happen in my world and that’s totally cool! I DO have a way to use those books to improve my love life. How?
I’m so glad you asked! Here’s a short list of the ways I’ve learned to share my intimacy goals and how any disability has yet to get in the way:
1. Read to Rev the Engine
Audible is my best friend. She is there for me when I am driving, walking, doing dishes, vacuuming, taking a long bath…you get the idea. I adore Audible because actors (really good ones) read all sorts of genres of romance. Don’t limit yourself! Try kinky! If you hate it, you click the rerun button and poof! They have a listener guarantee! You get your credit back! Check out my Goodreads for some of my favorite books. We all saw how the lines of BDSM were shaded between black to grey. Some may say, they found a thread of romance in something they once found scary and barbaric. Reading about rope tying with the Bound Series may not lead you to enrolling in a Shibari class, but it may inspire you to see what it’s like to let go and give up some control. Something that caregivers especially may find comfort in. Just listening to the Millionaire finds young single girl drama or any of the amazing Christina Lauren books give us a break from reality. By the way, I absolutely die for their writing! I found that I like things a bit less innocent than I realized. No, you won’t see me at any BDSM or adult club, but I get pretty turned on by a good public voyeur scene… in a BOOK people! For my HUSBAND. (Just wanted to clarify) There is a lot of variety out there. I’ll be sharing a preview of a new series by one of my favorite authors this week, you won’t want to miss it! In fact, she (J.A. Huss with her new writing companion Actor and Screenwriter Jonathan McClain) will be promoting the first of four books through a Blitz featured on our very own web site with many free giveaways. Check back throughout the week.
If you don’t want to spring for Audible, (they also have a all you can read romance, the library has some fabulous Maya Banks books for beginners. For free! Try the public library e-book programs they all have now. Even Kindle offer free Erotica to launch new authors.
How do I let my husband know about what I am hearing? Well, I’ve been known to leave my book playing in bed at night. I go to sleep and I am quite sure he gets an idea of what I like. Through this method, he’s heard a few ear fulls of sexy scenes that had to have turned him on. It’s gotten to the point where I can now tell him about my books as our little joke. He loves making fun of them and how much I listen to them. However, as evidence shows, he has caught on to my listening patterns. I have gotten more bold. The more I hear, the less shy I am to bring it up in our conversation. I’ve even found that I’ve been able to help direct what is going on during our time alone as well. A grab or touch here or there and hot damn! That Audible fee is paying off. I challenge you to find your way into a book, audio or the old fashion type. I would like to guarantee you will find some kindling for your fire. (Update***Check out my Goodreads Profile for some ideas and if you aren’t sure what to read and have some idea, I am happy to point you in the right direction to what you may enjoy***)
2. Late Night “Cable” Shows
Not for me, but out of respect for my husband it makes the list. He’s visual. I like a story line and a little thrill of the chase I get in said book or short story. At the very least, I can use this time to point out how repetitive and unrealistic the show is. We squabble, tease, and eventually I’ve got his attention more than the show. I then give him my own little lesson of what I learned about the subject at hand…and the show is forgotten!
There’s your Sex Therafree for now…Enjoy!