Her Claim by Rebecca Grace Allen Review & Give Away (Blog Tour Stop)

Her Claim
Rebecca Grace Allen
(Legally Bound, #2)
Publication date: April 23rd 2018
Genres: Erotica, Romance

She’s no princess. He’s no prince. Then again, they never wanted a fairy tale.

Legally Bound, Book 2

Cassie Allbright takes no prisoners. A half Cuban ball-busting attorney, she’s too tough to admit what she wants in bed. But tough is the only way to cut it in her high-powered firm, and Cassie doesn’t need a knight in shining armor. And she definitely doesn’t need Patrick Dunham—an arrogant, chauvinistic man-whore with a knack for pissing her off.

Bound to the helm of his family’s publishing house, Patrick is shackled to a life of power and wealth he never wanted. Seduction is his only distraction—his nights of pleasure always temporary, because happily-ever-afters are not for him. But while luring a woman into his bed has always come easy, the high-and-mighty Cassie has never succumbed to his charms.

Their verbal sparring turns to foreplay, but instead of scratching an itch, it only whets their appetites. Patrick gives Cassie a taste of what she’s secretly craved, and Cassie’s dark desires stir up things Patrick never knew he wanted. Enchanted, he offers to fulfill her most dangerous fantasies. She agrees, with an iron-clad escape clause: her heart is off-limits, and so is his.

Funny thing about hearts, though. They have a way of ignoring the fine print.

Warning: This book isn’t for the faint of heart. Disclosure includes angry, vying-for-control hate sex and one steamy weekend in Miami. Ready? Break the caution tape and proceed.

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Author Bio:

Rebecca Grace allen holds a Bachelor of Arts in English with a double concentration in Creative Writing and Literary Comparison as well as of Master of Science degree in Elementary Education, both of which seemed like good ideas at the time. After stumbling through careers in entertainment, publishing, law and teaching, she’s returned to her first love: writing. A self-admitted caffeine addict & gym rat, she currently lives in upstate New York with her husband, two parakeets, and a cat with a very unusual foot fetish.

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Our Review:

“Her Claim” is a rock-solid, sizzling hot love story about two people who think they know just what they want in love and life. Their lives get turned upside down as they battle each other through sexual angst into a simmering, unconventional relationship. Of course, there’s nothing more enjoyable than watching as this happens, as it all goes south.

Cassie is much more than the average female character at first glance-the Latina Lawyer who is simply pushing aside her own mother’s traditional roots. She’s so much more, a woman dealing with bi-cultural identities, struggling with her age and expectations, gender roles… We are allowed into her deepest thoughts and feelings as she experiences new types of relationships with Patrick. The author treats us well, as we dive with the couple into a darker, more taboo side of sexual dominance. What Cassie wants from Patrick gives him a thrill that he didn’t necessarily realize he wanted or ever needed to deliver.  As the book progresses, you can’t help getting swept into the all the deep feels of this book. This is the book that does for BDSM what other popular titles only started to do.  “Her Claim” presents the sexual play and relationships in a very real way. Ways that we may have thought about ourselves as readers. This may be why this book appeals to so many and why the genre has caught on. These are real feelings that couples have, only Rebecca Allen Grace has been bold enough to put it into writing, encouraging us not to dismiss what we may want to consider…someday.

“Her Claim” and the stories that Rebecca Grace Allen writes, present to the reader, a possibility of a world where it’s possible to express your deepest desires. In “Her Claim”, both Cassie and Patrick are finding there may be one person who you can not only trust your fantasies with, build upon them with and that one person to be there with you to live the bright and fun memories worth sharing.

This story takes us to Southern Florida where we can taste, hear, smell and feel the culture of an eccentric Cuban family. It’s part dreamy, part home girl goes home, part family wedding. I loved this part of the book! I felt every bit of the family welcoming and the surprises that came along with the visit. This is where Allen’s writing is exemplary. She brings in a rich past belonging to Patrick (and all her characters) that isn’t just a part of a simple story structure. She has built the characters that support each new experience they encounter so that we are subtly surprised throughout the book. We are given plenty of rich and exiting ah aha moments, connecting the new pieces to ones we didn’t know we were missing the ends of.

It’s incredibly refreshing to come across a book in the romance/erotic genre that doesn’t follow the ¾ rule (That phenomenon in this genre where good writers follow a pattern where the problem or surprise revelation happens right when everything is going hot and heavy…but cleaned up, wrapped up in a pretty little HEA bow).

In “Her Claim”, we do get the HEA…but the ride there is what it’s all about. Trust me when I say, this isn’t just another romance novel. This is a story written by a formally trained writer. There are no messy moments, no missing timelines, no underdeveloped characters here. This is good, sexy and damned erotic writing. It will have you invested from the beginning to end. I look forward to reading the next story in the series. Which by the way, has already been established thoughtfully throughout the book Nothing slips by this writer, you would be remiss to pass by her book.

While it is part of a duo (soon to be a trilogy), “Her Claim” can be read as a standalone and thoroughly enjoyed.

Advanced Reader Copy Provided for Unbiased Review by http://www.Incidently.org

 

 

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The Flying O: Creating Reality From Fiction

He rises from his knees slowly sliding his hands up, along the back of my legs and my satin skirt falls like a draped curtain,  falling down, covering the space where his head had just lingered. Lightly skimming the sensitive skin behind my knees, his fingers continue sliding  upwards, up my legs.  Grazing up to the curve where my legs meet the curve of my ass.  His eyes look up into mine following them as I try my hardest to avoid a direct stare…but fail miserably.

His mouth twitches with a slight smirk, and I melt in more than one place. With no warning, he stands as his hands grip the underside of my bottom, scooping and lifting my ass forward, up into his hands. I let out a little screech wrapping my legs around his torso, holding onto those damned forearms and  my stomach clenches as he raises my chest to his mouth and sucks the full peak of my breast like the top of a soft serve ice cream cone with a gentle, steady pressure and ending with a double taste and suck of my nipple.  At the same time I am surprised to feel the coolness as my wet pussy meets the bottom of his hard stomach where I don’t stay long,  I press into his body seeking pressure where I didn’t even know I needed it and  I oh so slickly,  slide back down against his abs and feel that path of hair against my own slick opening. Passing down and resting perfectly against his soft cotton boxer briefs that have taken the place of his dress pants he’s now stepping out of.  That bulge of cotton rubs just the right amount of friction against my sensitive wet clit. I  let out the slow breath I know I’m barely breathing. Then,  just like that, with a forward motion, he slides me down onto my back.  I am left untouched and greedily arching up to find contact only to discover  none of that friction I need.   I look up at him and he is staring down, at me.

Trying to hide the fact that I can hardly seem to catch a  breath, I just stare up at his neck, focusing on one spot in an attempt to calm my nerves or maybe my hormones… at this point, I’m not really sure what this is that I need to calm, but I have a  feeling  it really doesn’t matter. In a matter of seconds he takes my face in his hands, forces my face up to meet his and the  next thing I know he is loving me with the most consuming kisses. He is  loving my face, my neck, my mouth.  Suddenly, my body realizes what a good thing it has going and gives into the pace of it all. And it just happens, I finally let go and realize that this is exactly what I have been wanting all along, even if I have no idea what I am really in for.

There it is. That classic scene. That moment when the man picks her up with a swift grab to  her dainty little ass. not sure if there’s about to be some crazy oral sex in the sky scene, like a pair of ice dancers, or he just throws her onto a bed or couch, it’s a fantasy that many women (and men) will live a life without for the sake of their marriage or commitment to their partner who is physically unable to do so. Do I miss that this won’t happen to me in my lifetime with my husband? Duh!  Of  course! So what does a girl do? She thinks of all the other exciting ways to make sex a lot more adventurous!

YES! I want to be taken against a wall. Reality: it’s not happening.  Let me also make it clear here that many men can’t help us in this department because of our own body size issues. Lord knows if I lost a “few” pounds, there would be more options, but we aren’t here to shame anyone for their body. We are here to find ways to make sex hot despite our disability.  Let’s prove there are ways to get freaky when your body doesn’t move like a typical yoga instructor and you don’t weigh 110 lbs., with the ass the shape of an apple or heart or whatever shape and size it needs to be that he can actually reach around from the back to pull your hair and kiss you at the same time as, well, sticking it to you. I digress.

Let’s not forget our apple yoga butt sisters out there may very well be in similar situations with their partners being disabled or not able to carry out the big lift.  I’ve got you girl.  The purpose of my OVER sharing is ultimately to help anyone  who’s partner is  suffering with unbearable pain, has a disability and/or is getting weak just like mine.  Whatever your situation, stick around because I have a few really cool discoveries that really do change sex for the better.

Speaking of sex for the better… did you know that Erectile Dysfunction isn’t the only reason for men to get help with a stronger more “confident” boner??  If your guy has to work hard, if he gets tired, has pain issues, and sex isn’t what you want it to be, you can talk to your doctor! We did and we got these pills.  There are all sorts of ED pills. Your doctor will give you what you need, but the point is you MUST ASK!!! It is so very worth it. Do it over email if you are too embarrassed!  Everyone deserves a decent erection unless we are talking about more serious disabilities where you find another way to get pleasure (Please don’t give up).

We pay about $100 deductible with a Medicare Advantage Plan for 45 pills. He can take between 1-5 pills each time you “do it”). “We” take 2 pills per lucky night. I would like to state for the record that this is the one drug that I am happy to pay money for. That’s $4 a fuck. A long nice, hard, (didn’t really know it could get that hard to be honest) and I could swear it’s a little longer, penis that I get to myself. I love this penis. I loved the old one, but this new one is like something I didn’t know we could have! For $4?!?! YES PLEASE! Oh by the way, that whole, erection lasting longer than four hours B/S they suggest on the commercials? I’m still waiting for that little gift. It’s never happened and we are on our second bottle.

Side Note:  Don’t be silly…you know I am NOT a doctor and I have no experience (although I swear I can diagnose anyone I know at a 100% accuracy track record) so don’t go around your own doctors advice! My husband has a complicated neuromuscular disease and we had to clear it with cardiology, his general doctor and his neurologist just to get it prescribed. It was super cute to see each doctor’s enthusiasm for us though. Sex is natural people! They want you to be happy too! Make sure you speak to your significant other’s doctors and have him cleared…even a healthy guy!

Let’s get back to the “whole strong man lifts light lady,  making her whole world spin (literally and figuratively), having sex in the sky” conversation. I came across this amazing revelation last night trying to get a little more comfortable during a surprisingly pleasurable 2 tablet tryst. Let’s call it the Pillow High Sex in the Sky trick. No joke people…it is like you are being lifted you are floating while well, for the sake of rhyming,.. floating while fucking.

  1. Laying down on a bed place a pillow under the MIDDLE of the “Receiving Partner’s” back leaving the lumbar and butt area totally unsupported.
  2. The Penis Partner kneels and slides in at that unsupported area holding whatever feels best. If you like your legs held, tell him, your ass, tell him, for goodness sake, now’s not the time to be shy.
  3. Have sex.  I recommend someone pay attention to your clit as well since I know very few women who can orgasm from vaginal penetration. (We can talk about our favorite clitoris sucker thing another time, but holy hot dog on a stick…there are few other toys a woman needs.

Perhaps you’ve been doing this forever already. That’s awesome! Feel free to share or visit our Facebook site and leave me a personal message if you have any questions. Obviously we’ve covered a really weird combination of topics that started with the lift that would never happen. I hope you can find your own satisfaction, please just promise me that you won’t give up on having a great sex night because of your disability or because of your partner. I’ll make sure the next little scenario is for YOU! Because sex and love making can be hot for all of us!

You don’t need to be five feet in the air to be flying high.

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XO,

Krissy J.

On Your Way to Making Love Accessible Another Sexy Tip…

It’s been such a trip to hear from some of you and how it’s worked out to follow the 20/20/…rule. Let’s give ourselves a break and be OK with the fact that by the time we are getting to the final 20 in the three twenties, it’s not lasting THAT long. Questions? Just see tip #1. I must say that it has been well noted that getting there has been MUCH more enjoyable! If the actual act isn’t lasting that long, possibly because you have simply RUN out of TIME (insert giggle), or because it’s freaking exhausting to make it to 40 minutes! Either way, good for you for trying!

Tip #2:  Get Vocal!

Calm down you crazies! This isn’t THAT type of blog. What I mean, is it’s time to explore what turns you on, gets you going and find a way to let your partner know!

How exactly does someone do this?  It’s hard right? It’s just not a natural conversation. Can you imagine the next ride in the car?

Me: “Hey babe, I was reading this new book and the main guy had this way of lifting his girl onto the kitchen counter when unpacking the groceries. They had this amazing make out session while putting away the groceries…there was butter…it was so hot.”

Him: **silence** yeh…I can’t even imagine the response I would have gotten to that one. I mean, who am I to call out the one thing that he couldn’t actually do? Because he has muscular dystrophy and can’t lift me? Um…nope. I wish.  While I may struggle with some changes in my husbands body, I can only imagine what he may struggle with as a man who’s wife has gained weight and aged since she was 17 year old dancer.

So, clearly what happens in these books I love to read can’t always happen in my world and that’s totally cool! I DO have a way to use those books to improve my love life. How?

I’m so glad you asked! Here’s a short list of the ways I’ve learned to share my intimacy goals and how any  disability has yet to get in the way:

1. Read to Rev the Engine

Audible is my best friend. She is there for me when I am driving, walking, doing dishes, vacuuming, taking a long bath…you get the idea. I adore Audible because actors (really good ones) read all sorts of genres of romance. Don’t limit yourself! Try kinky! If you hate it, you click the rerun button and poof! They have a listener guarantee! You get your credit back! Check out my Goodreads for some of my favorite books. We all saw how the lines of BDSM were shaded between black to grey. Some may say, they found a thread of romance in something they once found scary and barbaric. Reading about rope tying with the Bound Series may not lead you to enrolling in a Shibari class, but it may inspire you to see what it’s like to let go and give up some control. Something that caregivers especially may find comfort in.  Just listening to the Millionaire finds young single girl drama  or any of the amazing Christina Lauren books give us a break from reality. By the way, I absolutely die for their writing! I found that I like things a bit less innocent than I realized. No, you won’t see me at any BDSM or adult club, but I get pretty turned on by a good public voyeur scene… in a BOOK people! For my HUSBAND. (Just wanted to clarify)  There is a lot of variety out there. I’ll be sharing a preview of a new series by one of my favorite authors this week, you won’t want to miss it! In fact, she (J.A. Huss with her new writing companion Actor and Screenwriter Jonathan McClain) will be promoting the first of four books through a Blitz featured on our very own web site with many free giveaways. Check back throughout the week.

If you don’t want to spring for Audible, (they also have a all you can read romance, the library has some fabulous Maya Banks books for beginners. For free! Try the public library e-book programs they all have now. Even Kindle offer free Erotica to launch new authors.

How do I let my husband know about what I am hearing? Well, I’ve been known to leave my book playing in bed at night. I go to sleep and I am quite sure he gets an idea of what I like. Through this method, he’s heard a few ear fulls of sexy scenes that had to have turned him on. It’s gotten to the point where I can now tell him about my books as our little joke. He loves making fun of them and how much I listen to them. However, as evidence shows, he has caught on to my listening patterns. I have gotten more bold. The more I hear, the less shy I am to bring it up in our conversation. I’ve even found that I’ve been able to help direct what is going on during our time alone as well. A grab or touch here or there and hot damn!  That Audible fee is paying off. I  challenge you to find your way into a book, audio or the old fashion type. I would like to guarantee you will find some kindling for your fire. (Update***Check out my Goodreads Profile for some ideas and if you aren’t sure what to read and have some idea, I am happy to point you in the right direction to what you may enjoy***)

2. Late Night “Cable” Shows

Not for me, but out of respect for my husband it makes the list. He’s visual. I like a story line and a little thrill of the chase I get in said book or short story. At the very least, I can use this time to point out how repetitive and unrealistic the show is. We squabble, tease, and eventually I’ve got his attention more than the show.  I then give him my own little lesson of what I learned about the subject at hand…and the show is forgotten!

There’s your Sex Therafree for now…Enjoy!

KJ

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Making Love, Intimacy and Sex Accessible: Tips Tried and True

You know what you can’t find anywhere? Intimacy advice for people with physical disabilities and their partners.

I am not looking for anything crazy here! I just need a little help from someone out there. I have a husband with physical weakness from Myotonic Dystrophy. He’s still walking. He can still “get it up” for lack of better word. He’s still a “fully functioning” man. I don’t want to paint an inaccurate picture of our story, that won’t help anyone out there. The challenges we face are actually pretty common with a little extra care or advice needed. I’ve looked everywhere, asked the experts, researched YouTube, the internet, read and watched some weird shit, even reached out to our OT and Physical Therapists during our clinic times. The fact is that some of our issues are similar to the general public ie:  The “non-affected” as we call those of us without this disease. It’s occurred to me that researching and sharing my findings of what can improve the intimate life of couples living with physical disabilities will help other people as well. Overweight, back problems, pain management patients and others who need a helping hand (no pun intended). I have a couple tips that could change the game for any couple and there’s no way I’m keeping the secrets to myself.

Like any couple married almost 25 years, we are both changing, but he is obviously slipping downhill at an accelerated rate quickly. He can walk, talk, lift, do things around the house, but there are some general deficiencies that are fairly typical with this disease. Extreme exhaustion. Patients with Myotonic Dystrophy can sleep anywhere, anytime. They also can suffer from insomnia causing late nights of computer time, thereby causing them to sleep the next day, all day. It really does kind of suck. Being on different schedules has been a problem that has been known to mess up our sex life, it can screw up any couples sex life. So can obsessive gaming or computer time and what goes on during that computer time when I am asleep…especially if you would like him to save that “energy” for you. Weather your partner is less mobile than mine, you are the disabled one, you are in a chair full time at this point, I think you will find some of my tips beneficial.  I’ll post a series of tips. Make it a little easier and subscribe below to receive each tip.

Give a tip a try and comment to let me know what you find out yourself. Share your situation and what specifically worked or didn’t work for you. Maybe you can help the next couple!

Most of all, enjoy! Let’s start a trend of filling in the missing gap of information. Everyone needs a little nookie, let’s make it sex accessible shall we?

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Time The Touch

20/20/20

Easiest Tip Ever and totally Free. According to this adorable Sex Therapist who held an intimacy class for ladies at a local medical center, Timing is Everything.

She challenged us to go home and try our new goal of 20/20/20.

The first 20 stands for Twenty Minutes of Non-Genital Touch. At least 20 minutes of the time leading up to penetration (aka foreplay) should be spent touching each-others bodies. Now this was mentioned from the perspective of men touching women, but think about it ladies, what does your man like? Men, feel free to comment. Keep it clean lol :). A squeeze on the bicep? A finger along the line of your pants men? Or panties ladies? Personally, we have found I am a sucker for a feather light stroke down the outside of the arm. Seriously? My arm! You can pull that off in the line at the grocery store! Walk up behind me and lightly brush my arm a couple times? It’s on. It takes my husband close to zero calories to pull off that little stunt and he has me ready to jump into the car and…well you get the idea. Carry on for another few minutes in the car, make it through putting groceries away and Tip #2 (keep your eyes out for that one). By the time we make it to the second Twenty, I am jelly in his hands. Are you more physically challenged?  How thrilling will it be to get a subtle touch down the side of your body, along the underside of the breast? Are you in a chair? Tell me you wouldn’t love that touch. In fact, I’m guessing there are other areas of your body that you would love a drag of a finger or two with a whisper in the ear. This first Twenty is EVERYTHING while being hardly anything at all.

Alright ladies and gents, we are crossing to the other side and not looking back now. This is nature and I’m just gonna get to it. The Second Twenty. It’s all about the Genitals. NOT about you getting INTO them…this is when the magic happens. Not to say the ladies won’t need a little extra lubrication. Take no offense. This could be from anything. Meds we are on, the air quality in the room, the soap we use. Be prepared! Invest in some great lube. If you are not using latex condoms, why not splurge and go for some silicone based product? I’m not a doctor, therapist or sales person for an adult brand. However I do know that some products do work and DON’T work with other products. Don’t be a dumb ass. Don’t get pregnant because you used the wrong lube. Especially if you have an austosomal dominant genetic disability. This is the type that you spread by getting pregnant. Period. One pregnancy is a 50% flip of the coin that the baby will have the same disease.  That’s just a no brainier. That being said, these twenty minutes are when lube can be your friend. For boys and girls. NOT for PENETRATION! WE AREN’T THERE YET! Play. Glide. Be soft. Be indirect. Ladies. Give DIRECTION. Men, show your partners what feels good. Just WAIT for the TWENTY minutes to expire. If you are counting down the minutes, unplug the clock and turn off the phone. Turn off your brain and watch what happens :). I think you will agree we don’t need a fully functional penis to be satisfied.  Am I right?

Finally, you’ve made it to the last of the Twenty minutes. Honestly, your partner, if a man,  may need a helping hand, you will most likely be well taken care of by now anyhow. Go ahead and repay the favor. Go with the flow. This is the time when all bets are off. You will most likely need some of my tips for these twenty minutes (more or less).

I’ve got lot’s of great advice collected and data to share. Make sure you subscribe below and subscribe to receive the next tip(s) as soon as they come out.  Don’t forget to share what your experiences were (within reason-keep it somewhat classy lol). Let us all know if they worked out. Make sure you mention any questions or challenges you may have and I will do my best to reach out for help!

Have fun with your assignment!

XO,

Krissy Jana

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hardened

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So…I’ve got this little issue that began a few years ago with a series of three (well four) books that opened the door to what they would then label mommy porn. It was just the beginning for me of a new era of reading. I was so bored with books, even more bored with my love life. As you may know, we had been married around 19 or 20 years then and our love life was, well…missionary. Then came “mommy porn” and it’s gold rush of accessibility on e-readers, Audible and hiding a book behind another more serious book.

Slowly, conversations around the lunchroom and specific friends would change and we had quite a fun time sharing some of our favorite fantasies expressed more like “did you read that one scene where…” and so on. Subtlety, I remember twisting my body a bit this way and that way in bed during our “marital relations” in an effort to express subconsciously what was exploding out of my head as what I really wanted in bed, but was way too embarrassed to ask for. Yeah, that didn’t work too well. An old tie snatched out of the closet and placed on the nightstand went unnoticed. Months of this carried on. Frustration, both sexually and in our daily relationship grew as I continued my secret reading club of one. Building expectations and for some completely pathetic way never expressing them to my husband and resenting him for it. Until I began taking more, researching more, and slowly opening up to him about what I was reading. On long car rides, I would chime in…with a snuggle to the right side of the driver, hand along his inner right arm.

“Don’t you want to hear about this amazing Japanese rope tying thing I read about in this series. It’s really not what you think! The book makes it seem like so much more!  There’s this class in the city where you meet up and try it? Wanna go?”

Ok. I knew it was a long shot.  I wasn’t expecting him to sign up for any class or join a bunch of weirdo sex freaks on the top of a local hiking ridge with a variety of rope and yoga mats, but remember, we are still working on getting that neck tie around my eyes. The tie on the night stand? Yeah, that was my reality. It hadn’t moved.  Let me give credit where credit is due by the way. If you’ve never read the amazing “Mastered Series” by Lorelei James, Including Bound, Unwound, Schooled, Unraveled, and Caged , do yourself a favor and give at the very least the first one a try. Here’s the link on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/series/109024-mastered

Anyhow, this whole series was what started the conversation between my husband and I. It was like I had to prove the beauty in what looked and sounded so ludicrous and San Francisco BDSM like when I would try to explain it. Nothing could do it justice like Lorelie James did. Maybe it was a cultural thing. Maybe we needed to go to Japan. Maybe I was craving not just some dominance but some protection. Protection not in the bedroom or from bad guys but from life and daily struggles of our life itself? These are the topics that started to build in our conversations.

Our conversations started to change with books I would read. I didn’t always stick with hard core erotica books. I love a good romance with the billionaire. My expectations would get to high and  I would get home from a day of teaching disappointed that the man wasn’t waiting with his private jet and ready to strip me naked. So I would turn to more real world romances.

Books where they didn’t always have to be a millionaire or a girl in distress, where there was a sexy working man and he was good enough because HE loved HER. The author did THAT good of a job depicting the love that grew between the two “average”, but let’s not fool ourselves and say they weren’t always beautiful, characters, in a way that kept us strung along that first two thirds of the story until the problem climaxed and thank God, with an hour left in the book, we knew we had at least one good love scene left after resolution and a happily ever after.

Why do any of these books really matter? What do they really have to do with my love life? They opened the door to communication. My husband needs a visual stimulation. Most men do and for anyone out there who thinks their husband doesn’t, good for you. Check his internet history girlfriend. It’s nature. I needed my own kick starter and that was literature.

Books have led to a point of sexual liberation in our relationship. I will go into those fun details another time, and I am no sex therapist, but I did meet with one. We do have special challenges in our marriage. Our sex life is complicated by a neuromuscular disease and my own body pain and limits that I am working on. However, we now have intimacy vocabulary to work with that we never had before. We are not immune to love, intimacy, realistic expectations. I do see how some of this erotica and definitely porn can cause that issue in young relationships and sadly, young girls and boys are developing unrealistic visions of what love and respect for their body limits may look like. I’m sad for that. Truly. But that’s not what I am writing about or advocating.

My love life and relationship and even the family dynamics in my home have changed because I have expanded my sexual database (what a lame word-I can’t think of the right one for now this will have to do). My sexual repertoire! That’s the word.  Sex is healthy. Teens, heck, any kids need to know that their parents love each other and to see a heathy example of love in their daily life.  I love that I have invested into my imagination and dared to share this with my husband. He has risen to the challenge. My heart isn’t hardened but it’s safe to say that other things have been. Wink, wink.

Crushing at Twe

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My husband and I were married at 20. I had returned from a semester abroad, knew there wasn’t anyone else or anywhere to go but up, and I was ready to transfer to my four year university. College life is cheaper when married.  Take married student housing for one, and student loans for those of us who’s parents were the working yet credit poor and couldn’t absorb our loans. It also just so happened that Steve Martin’s “Father of the Bride” was one of my favorite movies at the time. and I really wanted one white wedding dress and the cheaper chicken (please do yourself a favor and watch the movie…it’s amazeballs.)

My first friend made the jump into an early marriage and that was it. My boyfriend would either live with endless innocent manipulation or just agree. What else was he going to do? #NextBestOption Four months later we were married and in our 600 square foot apartment. It was everything I thought I always wanted, minus the financial planning. We were 20! I had no idea how to pay the bills for goodness sake, it’s really laughable looking back.

We did our best settling into married life and I found myself working as fast as I could to get through my two years. During the summer I began working on the cleaning crew for the summer dorm conference system. It was during this time, surrounded by others my age, unmarried,  it hit me, this was it. I was never going to sleep with another man. If my husband didn’t want me that day or night, I wasn’t going to be having any sex. Of all things right? Why did this matter?

Juan was from some Salvadorian country and he was on my cleaning team. We all worked our asses off, cleaning dorms in the morning so that the five of us could hang out and hide the rest of the day in a random air conditioned dorm while we were supposed to be working. Juan had worked incredibly hard to loose over 100 pounds. He ate well, worked out and was humble about it. He wanted to help others get to that same place and encouraged us to try different exercises that worked well for him. He would show us how to crunch our abs, while lifting that shirt of his explaining what we were targeting and as we cinched those abs, he would place those large hands on our core to make sure they were engaged. Oh yeah. They were engaged. No doubt about that. This was like my free zone. Safe from the real world, guilt or concern for my marriage. Instead, it lead to concern for my own needs. What the fuck? I finally have another man who is showing interest in me with touches to my core, smiles thrown to me while walking behind the crowd of us, holding the door open and keeping his arm elevated so that it would happen to drop down onto my shoulder and lazily skim its way down my back. And I was married. I couldn’t act on it. Physically. Let’s not even try to pretend I didn’t go there in  my head and play out the whole scene.

One night, when my husband was working late, we all converged at my house after a happy hour and sat around. Somehow that conversation turned into my headache and Juan suggested I sit on the floor in front of my floral couch and massage my neck and upper back. Totally innocent  for five seconds. The connection was instant and his breathing changed into some sort of thick exchange of air that I wanted to inhale while his head dipped lower towards the area of my neck he was working on.  All our friends were right there, but it didn’t matter.  It took less than 90 seconds for me to relax back into the massage for Juan to realize it was time to stop. I am not sure that I would have stopped if he didn’t. If everyone else had left and we had been left alone, I am more than sure that marriage vows wouldn’t have anything on spicing up this sexually unfulfilled life.

One man. For life. That’s what I signed on for. It was discouraging to think that what I had was what I was going to get. For the rest of my life. I was a crush girl. I saw sex in many men I passed…what the hell was I thinking by getting married to one man at twenty? Ironically, this man I married was the most faithful and loving man that existed. My selfish desires were my fault. I am so grateful someone had common sense that summer. I could have never made it to here and now.

It has been over 20 years. I am happy to report that over these past years of marriage, sex and our love life has changed in amazing ways.  The cliche is true. Things do get better with time. Our kids are past that stage of needing us for everything. We have privacy now. The world around us has begun to change. Sexual exploration has changed in the liberal household with the publishing of anthologies such as the famed Christian/Anna ones.  Sex has become less taboo to talk about at work, with the girls, in conversations with friends.  It’s no longer about  that classic repetitive story line free porn, this is a new type of erotic, a visual or audio Viagra for women of all ages. Suddenly, making this connection between being tied up and the anticipation of having your mate have (safe and consensual) control of your body sparked something different in our bedroom too. Did we jump to butt plugs and spanking? Nope. Not quite, but taking the free time I had during any down time to invest in reading hot romance/erotica about sexy relationships kept those juices flowing (thank you Audible).

We are older, our bodies are literally deteriorating, and life can be really hard. Yet, something happens as you get through more and more years of marriage. You start to shed layers of inhibition. You realize that this is your partner, the one you get to make the most of this life with.  They may see some value in your version of porn. You read your romance, they get laid. Things really do get better. Not necessarily because your body gets better with age, or because you get so close. We are on the same team…”Team Multiple Orgasm”.  I have learned to shed my inhibitions as I expand my reading to more provocative books. Do I do every little thing I read in the unrealistic scenes? Can my husband lift me in the shower…you know what? I’ll let you imagine he can. What I can do is show him how I like him to come behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, rub his fingers along the length of my waist, kiss my neck and turn me into a puddle at the kitchen sink as I finish the dishes.